these days i lie down.. i sit.. i walk.. i jog.. i shop.. i drive.. i read & i eat while i ponder about the recent freedom that has been bestowed upon me. i’ve been living my whole life for this very moment. liberation from the societal norms of achieving outstanding grades for success.. higher education.. freedom from restless assessments. just, freedom…

but freedom doesn’t feel like freedom. i think of a bird. a bird who has flown away from the frigid winter air.. ready for the warm weather.. the plush green leaves.. the abundant areas for nesting.. the stock of fresh worms to eat right after those spring showers. 

i’m no bird..

i might have wings but no direction. i might have flight but no conviction. 

afraid of falling victim to the ubiquitous 40 hour work week without time to pursue my passions and my dreams

afraid of the zombie. corporate zombie.

afraid of mediocrity. afraid that the six figure salary will indeed and ultimately mea nnothing. a car a house diamonds minks vacations palm trees white sands penthouse suites … THIS is mediocrity.

BUT IM AFRAID TO TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH.. to become more than just mediocre. to become exceptional.

afraid of relinquishing my career goals to just write

afraid to become a chef

afraid of dropping everything i ever worked for to help a third world nation

afraid of traveling with no money

afraid afraid afraid… afraid of conformity and afraid of non-conformity.

….. it is 5am on a friday night in february of 2011 & this is how i currently feel.